I wish I had a group.

But, at the same time, I wouldn't run my life any other way. If I did, I'd be changing myself. I like myself, but shit gets difficult sometimes.

For instance, every single birthday party I've had, I've worried about whether my guests would get along.

The whole point of a party is to have fun, not to stress about that kind of stuff.

Perhaps this is the same point to life.

I know I'm a genius because I use words in my dreams I don't even understand

...I forgot about you! However, my mind did not forget my username and password, luckily. Gwaha!

Brief update:
-Entering third year at Trent University, lovinggggg Environmental Studies & Sociology
-Recently spoke with one of the (newly discovered) 17 (!! --I expected there to be more) members of the Council of Canadians to coordinate my role in a hopeful "unbottle it" campaign in Peterborough (to hopefully ban the sale of bottled water)
-Have really come into myself
-...meaning I know now what I like, who I like, and what I want to do.
-loving my cool new roommates, Kaitlyn and Franzisca. Franzisca a.k.a Francis is from Germany. She studies Cultural Studies and Indigenous Studies. Kaitlyn is from Burlington and studies History and English, and is awesome
-am re-dating Alexander Bashford (yes, The Great, The Epic) ...Oh, high-school sweethearts. He is lovely & nice... He is sweet & kind ...He is thoughtful & caring ...He actually gets along with people! (not referring to anyone specifically who didn't..... Erm, what else? Oh yes, he wants to live in the side of a hill one day too.

Alex & I went to Nova Scotia. It was amazing. I loved the feel of the cool ocean breeze...there's nothing that can replace that feeling. The first glimpse of the ocean was priceless--it was a beautiful clear day, and there were people sunbathing on the beach, with a windsurfer preparing for lift-off nearby. Hills, cliffs, red soil, friendly people, small towns, big churches, windy, country roads, two-lane highways (without dividers!), conservation areas...wildlife. It was just so, so lovely, and we want to return.

I just got a new job at The Body Shop in Peterborough. Thank God cause I was choking ...on no money! I haven't had ANY money this whole summer. And I know it's supposed to be that way as part of "the experience" of moving out. AND, on the whole, it hasn't been THAT bad....BUT I would appreciate some disposable income so that I am free to do some fun stuff...

In the short term..I want to
1) Go to Toronto (perhaps with my cousin Danielle to her friend's wedding..hey, it's an excuse to go right?) Go to American Apparrel and buy mouse brown slacks, and Lush to buy deodorant bars.

2) Go to Algonquin to go camping  <--perhaps next summer. :( I do want to go boating before the summer is through, though

3) Buy a laptop and a camera

In the long-term, I've officially decided I want to travel to

1) The Rocky Mountains and
2) California

...I WILL Do these things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Current Mood: determined

I am hearing a LOT of bad things about the new Sex and the City movie.

I have just recently become a fan of SATC, renting a season of the show, watching it over and over. And you know what? I still plan to rent more. I really enjoy the deep emotional power of the show...the relate-ability...the sex. Haha no just kidding, I actually would rather NOT see Samantha's tits every time.

However, apparently people have been disappointed in with the movie because it emphasizes the stereotype that women need men.

In a blog I read on psychologytoday.com, the writer claimed the real underlying theme should have emphasized their friendships. I totally agree!

I don't think I'm going to see it. I don't want to sit through a movie where the characters go through the same emotional ride (worrying about their relationships) as they had seemingly finished with the finale of the show.

They were happy! Why would they make the characters miserable, then happy all over again?

Oh yah....money.

Current Mood: disappointed

I saw Attack in Black, Sarah Harmer, The Sam Roberts Band, and The Tragically Hip at the Belleville Music Festival. It was amaaaaazing.

Sarah Harmer made me want to write. I really appreciate her style of lyrics. I realized, basically, that anything can be made poetic. Life is poetry. That is, if you open your eyes to its beauty.

If you just float through life without questioning things, getting passionate, becoming absorbed, obsessed or moved...Then life is meaningless.
Life's all about the journey not the destination.

Current Mood: artistic

why can't he just get a job?

I'm doing lots and lots of work right now.
It is not all that bad
The more intellectual I become on paper, however, the less socially intelligent I become
Or maybe it is from lack of sleep

I realized recently that I REALLY Love my Boyfriend.
A Lot.

I keep realizing it, the more guys I meet.

So many guys are full of themselves. So many guys are unintelligent, and driven by the media. So many guys are stupid, and not understanding, talented, or funny. So many guys think all women are so easy. So many guys are unromantic. So many guys are closed-minded and unwilling to change themselves.

I am so so lucky to have a boyfriend who is all these things that so many guys are not.

I realized recently I like minimal friends
I like unpopularity
I realized I like to cross off things on my to-do lists
I like sarcasm
I love flannel

So my mother and I just finished having a discussion about whether or not I should continue living at our house in Bobcaygeon in the summer.
And I think I choose....not to.
I am a "stressful" child to have around. This is because my mother has certain rules I disagree with. For instance, my boyfriend slept over last night...he is allowed to sleep on the futon downstairs. My room is downstairs. So 'what's the difference/harm if he comes into my room?', is what I figure.
But this morning my parents opened my bedroom door to let the dog out (that I stupidly left in there because I know how she likes to sleep-in with whoever is still in bed)...and they saw Eric there.
My mom said there was going to be a "huge fight" in a bit...
and after some ignoring...said that I am disrespectful, and that we did not discuss 'that'...
I said I thought she wouldn't care because she said he could sleep in the futon which is so close to my room anyways, like it is practically impossible for us to not sleep together while being that close. Plus it SUCKS I mean we can do it at his house...we do it all the time!
I just assumed (for some strange reason) that she would not care...
Wrong.
So here I am again. The bad daughter. Why am I constantly fucking up?

I need to stop doing whatever I want, and assuming it will be okay.
She said the reason was that it made her and dad uncomfortable. I guess that is reasonable.
I think sometimes I just get so sick of feeling guilty for everything that I have ever done wrong in my life, and I just go on a rebellious spree where I don't care what happens because I am making myself happy.

Recently I learned my mother lived with her parents while attending college. This might explain her traditional behaviour.
My grandpa was a strict man. My nanny, very traditional as well.

I must be a total nightmare to her.



Anyways, I am considering moving into a house in Peterborough after I am done school. I really like my house in Bobcaygeon, and I really like everyone at my job in Bobcaygeon. I really like Bobcaygeon.
But I am really unsure as to how successful I will be in not pissing off my mom again.
I can't seem to resist it.

But...in the summer, I will probably be at Eric's a lot. I will probably need them for rides...for food...for showers...and for laundry. I can just see it not going well.

I really wish I didn't owe my mom ......*calculating* $2070.00
I wish I could buy a car...
And have enough to pay rent in the summer


I wish I didn't make so many mistakes in so little time

*** Wow look at these stars on my new layout
CoOL********

life here on campus is ....well i dont know what i pictured. i was going to say not what i pictured, but come to think of it, i didn't know what to picture really.
there is mostly girls, some guys. people are pretty laid back, no one is forcing me to drink like sarah post told me they would, lol. umm...yeah

you know what? i imagine it would be a party if i were single. because then i would go out to the bars, with a bunch of girls who are also single.
in fact, it's kind of hard to make friends in this situation. when you're in a relationship, i mean. is it just me, or is the big bonding, breaking the ice thing where girls get dolled up and go to the bar? ....
ok, why is that?
maybe eric is just getting to me with his hate-on for clubs...

sometimes i feel boring

Current Mood: meh

A lot of things have been going wrong lately.
But...
Last night, at 1:45am my grandpa died. I visited him last night because I felt like I needed to see him. He was asleep the entire time, but I left a note for him saying "We Love You Grandpa" with our names on it, just in case he woke up. I'm pretty sure he didn't see it, but the last time I visited him in the hospital I said "Bye" and he kissed me on the cheek and said "Good-bye Dear" just like he always does, so I suppose we've said our good-byes.

I plan to save the world from Global Warming. I plan to be famous with my band, but NOT through the making of videos. At least not skanky or trendy videos. Okay, with videos but GOOD videos with us playing.

That is the plan for now.

What is yours?

Current Mood: content

I was just reading in Oprah magazine some articles about people's personal experiences with faith...and it got me thinking about a lot of things. My personal opinion on what faith is, how to accomplish it and why it's so important.
They were saying how faith is basically just the ability you have within yourself to believe that even when worse comes to worse, you will have the ability to move on and things will get better.
I have faith in myself, and my friends and family and peers. I think that's all you can really do is have faith in each other. We as people have the capacity to do terrible things and be terrible people, but within all of us there is the capacity to be good. After all, when it comes down to it, were are simply another primal being; we all have the same physical, emotional and mental needs. And if we are, in theory animals, then we should never want to place harm on others unless it is of course at the stake of our own lives (e.g killing a cow for food). As primates, we simply lived, like nature and animals continue to do so today. It used to be a lot more simple.
Humans have been blessed with imagination and creative thought and generally a much higher intelligence than other inhabitants to this Earth. But this can also serve as a great burden as well, because who hasn't allowed themselves to feel incredibly depressed? You don't see animals living out in the wild feeling depressed. It's sort of like, you need an objective. Why am I here?

Theirs is simple; to live.

But to live, to us is so simple. We have been given the gift of incredible intelligence that makes it so easy to get by. Instead we should be giving back, as far as I'm concerned. Make a difference, do your part to make the world a better place for everyone and all creatures and things that inhibit this earth while you are here. And this in return, is a good enough gift for yourself.
Our intelligence has risen us up to this incredibly higher and more complicated standard of living that has the capactiy to separate us entirely from focusing on spirituality. Most of us now likely spend very little time, alone, outdoors, Some of us are basically living on two different planets; the human world and the rest. But that shouldn't be how it is. I'm sure if anyone went outside and spent time alone, they would come to appreciate the wonder of nature and how each year it comes back, so beautifully, despite what damage we have done to it.
That alone, serves as a form of evidence that you can have faith. No matter how damaged the Earth gets, the grass will somehow, someday continue to grow.

There are so many of us out there, I just hope more people could realize that they are important and that little things do make a difference. Little things like having faith, or believing in yourself, or little things like saying I love you, or picking up trash. It all adds up, and if everyone were as...I don't know...Spiritual? Open? ...then maybe things would be a little bit better...

it seems to me the motto around here is "if you can't say anything negative, don't say anything at all."

I went to my first rap concert last night at the Kool Haus and saw Nas. I almost passed out. I'm not even kidding. I was fine when we first got there but then suddenly everything got really like...slow-motion type, and I was really hot and felt clausterphobic and I needed a drink but no one wanted to leave because we didn't want to get split up.
But after falling on a few people, and not being able to stand on my own, I guess we decided to move to the back because all of a sudden we were at the back and Carley was getting me a drink.
Wild.
After that exscursion I was peachy keen though, and the concert was really good.

Our hotel was pretty sweet, we snuck Eric and Brad in successfully and I didn't even need to show my I.D....good thing Mrs. Wilson Senior (is that what granma's are called?) made a fuss.

It took us aout 2 1/2 hours to actually FIND the hotel, my god I don't think I've ever been more stressed out. I bet that contributed to me passing out. Also, my car started smoking and we thought we might have to replace a hose connecting the Power Steering Fluid to ...I guess, the wheel...

Only saw a couple crazy people this time in T Dot. One; a German prisoner who still had his prison clothes on apparently, and had no Visa or Passport.
Oh ya, and James and Eric also met a foreign crackhead who had like....idunno..let's say one loonie on him. Definitely not moving to the city; that's what conclusion I've come to. Could. Not. Do it.

Best part was partying after...Nas is a genius

Current Mood: tired

Single or Taken: Taken
Happy about that: Absolutely
Siblings: 1
Eye color: green-grey
Shoe size: 9
Height: 5`8?
Can you make a dollar in change right now: unlikely, ....no 30cents :(

FAVORITES:
Kind of pants: Silver jeans
Number: 23.......just kidding haha...um 9 for some reason, it has good vibes
Animal: TIGER/ELEPHANT/GIRAFFE ...i like animals
Drink (non alcoholic): apple/pineapple/grape/pear fruit punch
Sports: Soccer, Rugby
Month: July obviously
Juice: AJ (if not the punch previously mentioned)
Favorite cartoon character: idunno...wonderwoman?

HAVE YOU EVER.....?
Given anyone a bath? not besides my dog
Bungee Jumped? no AHH
Made yourself throw-up? yea but only cuz i was too drunk
Gone skinny dipping? mmm yes cant wait til i go again haha
Eaten a dog? noooooo
Loved someone so much it made you cry? yes
Played truth or dare? yea
Been on a plane? yes i love it!
Came close to dying? mmm besides car accidents/being hit by cars, no
Been in a sauna? yes
Been in a hotub? yes mmm
Swam in the ocean? waded in the ocean
Fallen asleep in school? yea it was hilarious
Ran away? yea about 50 feet
Broken someone's heart? i guess...they sucked tho haha no im sure they got over it
Cried when someone died? of course
Cried in school? ugh. too many times
Fell off your chair? hmm im sure i must have sometime
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? yes unfortunately (I HATE THAT)
Saved AIM conversations? yea when they were hilarious, or someone said something so touching...thats right over MSN
Saved e-mails? YESM
Used someone? im sure i have but not to my recollection
Been cheated on? Not that I’m aware of

WHAT IS...
your good luck charm? my Bible....joking i dont have one
your new favorite song? We All Know-by CodynAlisha!
beside you? tape recorder/cell
last thing you ate? chopped pecans mmm
What kind of shampoo/conditioner do you use? depends, usually Fructis

EVER HAD…
Chicken pox: yes when i was a babe
Sore Throat: ugh thats why i got my tonsils out
Stitches: no
Broken a bone: no
Sex in a exotic place? if by exotic u mean tropical, no but if exotic u mean like outdoors/weird places.......then yes hahah

DO YOU...
Believe in love at first sight! yes if it works out i guess lol
Long distance relationships? depending on the situation
Like school? most of the time..sometimes i hated it
Who was the last person that called you? Mike
Who was the last person you slow danced with? Eric...i dipped him haha
Who makes you smile the most? many people eric, rachel, cody to name a few
Who knows you the best? duke
Do you like filling these out: yes when i'm bored and to see what my favourite stuff is lol
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: I WISH
Do you like yourself: when im not being too "thinky" yes
Do you get along with your family? yess most of them, most of the time

ARE YOU...
Obsessive Compulsive? i used to be obsessively clean...nota nymore thats 4 sure
Suicidal? no
What did you do yesterday? watched TV, picked up Cody and jammed
Hated someone in your family? mmm no
Gotten any awards? yea...human spirit award, i guess ones for rugby and soccer (versatility)....drama and sportsmanship in gr 8 WOO
What car/truck do you wish to have? GMC Sierra truck...possibly my fathers lol
Where do you want to get married? on a boat!...idunno anywhere outside NOT in a church
Good driver? lol well besides the 2 accidents ya!
Good Singer? i guess ;)
Own a lava lamp? no my sis does tho
How many remote controls are in your house? 4
What was your last dream about: fuckin awtchin porn lol
When you last showered: yesterday morning

Scary or Funny Movies? scary
Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla
Root beer or Dr.Pepper? dr. pepper
Skiing or Boarding? ha suck at both unless its KNEE boarding...well i havent tried either in awhle so..
Summer or Winter? summer!
Silver or Gold? silver
Diamond or Pearl? meh neither really....diamonds i guess CZ's are good enuff for me!
Sprite or 7up? 7up....all natural ingredients !
Coffee or Sweet tea? Coffee!!!!
Are you oldest, middle or youngest? youngest

TODAY DID YOU...
Talk to someone you liked: Yes :)
Buy something: yea a Sub
Get sick? no
Talked to an ex? yes hes in my band...o wait no i didnt talk to him lol
Miss someone? yeeees a beeet

LAST PERSON WHO...
Slept in your bed? me & zoey
Saw/heard you cry? hmm...i guess at work last month when i was PMSing, Sharon haha
Made you cry? PMS
Went to the movies with? Eric
Said "I Love You"? Rachel i think! haha
Ever been in a fight with your pet? haha ya actually! she pissed me off
Been to Mexico? no
Been to Canada? what a dumb question
Been to Florida? yae when i was like 5
RANDOM...
What book are you reading now? ha havent picked it up in months...Dreamcatcher
Best feeling in the world? lookin good/gettin a compliment/doin somethin nice for someone/being drunk/high and laughin yer ass off with buddies/being with ur loved ones <3
Future KIDS names? UGH i need to decide this it is bugging me....
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? yea liek 3 actually lol..i dont cuddle with them tho....usually haha
What's under your bed? boxes, container with clothes, laundry basket with clothes..porn the usual
Favorite sports to watch? none
Favorite Locations? the mall (on a good day), the lake, wasaga, my cottage
Piercing/Tattoos? 7in my ears, belly button, gettin a bird tattoo
What are you most scared of right now? unrequitted love
Who do you really hate? quinn pinder for taking himself out of the groupies group lol jus kidding...idunno i'd have to think about that
Do you have a job? 2, IGA and Peoples II
Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? ya haha all my friends liked him too
Are you lonely right now? no
Song that's stuck in your head right now? We All Know!
Have you ever played strip poker? Yah...got down to the undies which werent a thong unlike every other girl haha suckerrrrs
Have you ever been on radio/TV?: yea Chex at the Dunsford arena....i was disappointed lol
Have you ever been in a "mosh-pit"? yesm
Ever liked someone, but thought they'd never notice you? yes *Sigh* lol
What color is your underwear right now? pink
Do you like him/her? who??
Whats the first things you notice about the opposite sex (visual)? Eyes/Smile/Butt
Are you too shy to ask someone out? depends, if i just met them and i wasnt drunk probably haha. but if i'd known them awhile, no
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? butter
Dogs or cats? dogs
Favorite Flower? water lilies/daisies
Have you ever fired a gun? no but eric wants me to real bad ..??
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car? cars are more fun btu i love watching the clouds go by in planes, but all in all i say i prefer cars
How many pillows do you sleep with? i sleep on 2 but i have 3..ish..
How long did this survey take? pft no idea

Today I went shopping/nonshopping with Rachel Fry! We're fun together...I can't remember what she said specifically that made my day memorable...but let me tell you...it was obviously very memorable HAHA

Shopping and being in the mall, is all a very...materialistic experience. I felt obligated to try harder. Which, idunno, should I? I mean, I go there, I buy a bunch of shit, then I come home and I still don't do my hair or put anything in it but my favourite orange hair-tie and wear my favourite 2 outfits over and over...HA! O dear...
In terms of not wasting my money or newly purchased clothes, yes I should try harder. Definitely.

Then when we saw 300 I was faced with completely different emotions. For instance; horniness, WOW were those abs amazing....all 300 of them haha. But no really, like I want to DO SOMETHING. Be a leader or men, you know that type of deal.
This show is a step in the right direction.

I just hope I get a hold of my nervousness, if it does occur.
I also hope my friends aren't pricks and decide to not show up.

My sister came up for my dad's 50th birthday. We went to Montanna's. I saw Linzy!
We like to take pictures with her sexy camera




I did her makeup




and she did mine


"oooo"


"o000"

haha..




alisha as a disgusted grandma




Sistahs4Eva




Happy 50th Dad!!!

Current Mood: crazy

i told her the truth